Still waiting on that surgery. It's been a hell of a day.

So yesterday I was told by an ER doc that I could schedule the surgery for maybe a week out and come back then, or perhaps I could do it today. Wanting to have this done as soon as possible, I opted for that. They had me lay around waiting for a while, then they decided to hold me overnight and do the surgery tomorrow.

Late at night, I am informed I'm scheduled for 2pm the next day. Okay, a little later than I expected, but that's fine. Come that morning, and I get told by a doc that I've been taken off the schedule and it'll probably be the next day, or maybe even the day after.

This leaves me highly perturbed. Nobody communicates with me on why this is or seems to listen to me and my frustration. I call the patient advocacy department and they say they'll send someone up. I complain to everyone I can, mostly the nurse who is a very nice guy training a very nice lady. Eventually I have Caitlin talk to him on the phone to try and get some answers, and we are able to surmise that they don't want to send me home because there is a small chance I can be seen today, but they also don't want to commit to that.

I explain this to the patient advocate who eventually shows up, and tell everyone who comes to talk to me thereafter that if I don't get some kind of concrete scheduling for today by 2pm, I will be leaving.

Make no mistake, I am aware of how serious my condition is. The only solution is the surgery, without it I will almost certainly die early. However, it is only once I start making this ultimatum that it is explained to me that my case is actually rather bad, while it is still in the early stages, the surgeon is concerned it could suddenly become septic and that I could potentially be days from death. Pretty metal.

So here's some metal back: "I am treating this with the same urgency your actions and scheduling are seeming to indicate." This made them reconsider and I was added into the scheduling and confirmed for around 6pm today.

Of course I guess that means I'm on death's doorstep, whoops.

Regardless, this makes me want to talk a little about community. See, I wasn't alone today. I told my various group chats about the pickle I was in first thing in the morning, and all of them had suggestions that contributed to me getting it taken care of today.

The first was one of my LARP buddies, Nik, who suggested and got me the number for patient advocacy who was able to poke and prod the doctors into talking to me and not just hiding behind the nurses. He doesn't even live in this city, but he's that good a guy.

Secondly was my dear River Goblins (more on them in a future post), who consist of my dear friends from undergrad. Caitlin as I mentioned spoke to the nurses and got some answers, while Morgan suggested I be willing to discharge myself. She's a quiet one but always has good advice. My dear friend Christopher is coming down soon to say hello, keep me company for a bit before the surgery. I let my ego wrong him for a perceived slight a long time ago but he's the kind of person who confronted me on it and made peace with me. We play miniature wargames every week now. And of course my sista from anotha mista Anna is coming down to keep me company overnight. To say she's saved my life more than once is an understatement.

Aside from them, there were so many people who sent me affirmations, who kept me remembering I'm not alone. The community I possess empowered me to advocate for myself, I told the doctors I'm not alone and I have people who can and will help me through this. Every single one of you gives me strength.

Self-advocacy is a skill we're engineered out of possessing by so many things in this culture. To possess even a modicum of it is to be able to move mountains, like I did today.

I'm a stone's throw from death but I have no fear despite my various neuroses, because I have them with me. Some days all they can give me is a smile but that makes me richer than the richest man in the world. Though that's mostly 'cause he's a loser. Regardless, I stand, well I lay back amid the dire straits that have found me once again and I have the courage to see it through.

I am loved. And that's helped me love myself, because what else but love would motivate anyone to fight for themselves?