October! Spooky season!

The sky was dark this morning and I awoke with a pang of dread in my heart. The cold wind of Autumn is arriving in bipolar fashion courtesy of climate change, and with it comes the emotional turbulence typical to this time of year.

So many people I care about love Autumn. After all, it's the time of Halloween, pumpkin spice lattes, and most importantly for most: cooling weather.

Of course, the weather hasn't been too cool. The mornings have been a bit chilly but the afternoons bring a heat more suited for the height of summer. I've found myself still going sleeveless in the evenings more often than not. I don't mind showing off my arms and neither does anyone else I think, but I do admit to feeling like I'm showing off just a little more than usual.

Usually I'd be neck deep in anxiety about now starting from the day after Labor Day. Instead, I've been living my life from day to day. I feel the fangs of winter bearing down but for once I find myself shielded by a thick crust keeping me grounded to the reality that my human experience is going just fine.

I've talked about a lot of the things I've done for my health over the past year or so. It often sounds contrived, but it is annoyingly true that self care can indeed help when a routine is held to for an extended period.

I'm not a big fan of routines myself, but my life doesn't seem to work without them. A disruption to them risks throwing off the entire dance that is my life, but disruptions are a constant that cannot be wholly done away with.

But I've found that if I approach my life with the intention to live to my utmost, it's not too difficult to find myself back on the rails. I know what I need for myself, and so long as I keep that in mind and make sure I have those moments that keep my life going, well... my life keeps going.

I'm lucky in a lot of ways, which I find funny, considering I'm unlucky in a lot of ways too. I wonder if that's how it goes for everyone.

I've had several close friends note that my luck seems to be fairly extraordinary in both directions. One noted that I have some kind of "probability distortion" around me.

In this case, I'm lucky in that the things that drag me down are usually easy to deal with. My general malaise is kept at bay with regular exercise, and my exercising is easy to keep up with multiple small sessions throughout the day rather than one big one.

I've got places to go during the week for socializing, from goth nights to karaoke to vampire larp and no shortage of awesome local bands.

I'm at no shortage of projects to work on, from miniatures to learning to play the guitar to practicing some basic gymnastics. And there's plenty more I haven't made time for yet.

And I'm fortunate to have good friends, people I've been through all kinds of dumbass adventures with who I trust completely. And I can still make new friends in the spaces I find myself passing through.

So for October there's a few things that are coming up. This weekend is the Great Ohio Toy Show in Xenia. I'm looking forward to taking a perusal through the past with one of my best friends. And that evening I'll be having Ethiopian with someone new and dear to me.

A friend of mine is having a big gathering at his farm in the middle of nowhere, I've been meaning to go for the past few years but my schedule rarely lines up, but it will this year.

And of course there's Halloween, which'll fall on the weekend this year. Last time that happened I was going through a breakup and moving out of my apartment while arguing with my ex. New chance for something better this year.

Do we need more than this? Ambition is something the world has tempered in me the past few years, but my recent life has encouraged me to reach for all those things I always wanted.

The cowardice in me wants to say that this is enough, but part of me knows my best life is still out there. I think trying to live it is how I live it.

Well, I'm not so sure how but I'm going to try to try.