I've spent most of my adult life depressed. There's a lot of reasons for it, but let's not do a Doofenshmirtz style trauma flashback. I've managed to get a bead on it a few times in my life, and the last year has been the most stable I've ever been.

So yesterday my car wouldn't start while I was leaving the office. I knew it was an electrical issue because of the rapid clicking of the starter, and I managed to brute force it to start to get myself over to my Mom's house where I'd have the space to look at it, since my house is just street parking. As circumstances would have it, the car did not start again.

I like working on cars generally. I don't really like doing the heavy duty repairs, but I've put a few mods on my Mustang that make it feel like a personal project. I got the car a few months after my Dad died, and discovered that my brother also has a Mustang and our Dad had one back in the 70s. It felt less like a life crisis and more like fate.

My Dad taught me a lot about cars, growing up. I've disassembled a 1994 Isuzu Trooper engine with him in Tucson to replace a temperature sensor, and am reasonably confident in being able to do most basic car work and a few things that aren't so basic.

That said, after my Dad died, I was a wreck. Back in 2021 my car wouldn't start one day, the started just kept rapidly clicking. I knew that meant it was a power issue, but I was so hung over from drinking all the time that I just sent it over to a mechanic, who told me it was just corrosion and the tow and the "work" cost me a very pretty penny.

So yesterday, there I am in my Mom's yard, popping open my hood, anxious over what I'm going to find. I hadn't opened my hood in a long time. I'd done a few simple modifications to the car here and there but I'd fallen into a pretty deep pit of despair for a while and somewhere in there I lost my confidence in being able to do anything about a car.

I hoped it wasn't the alternator or the starter, as both of those were about two years old. But a quick glance at the battery revealed the problem straight away: just like in 2021 I'd developed a practical coral reef of corrosion on the battery contacts.

Not having all the right tools, I did my best to smack off the corrosion and unscrew the rusted contacts. Then I used a kitchen knife to clear everything off. I wasn't confident that would completely resolve the issue, but it did.

When the car roared back to life, I felt a sense of pride I hadn't felt in a very long time, the sort of feeling I used to have with my Dad. My Mom comes out and is telling me she's so proud of me for how much I remind her of my Dad, who never went to a shop if it was something he could do on his own.

For a moment, it reminded me of how he and I are still connected. How the person he was informed the person I am and how that person is pretty useful to be most of the time.

It feels good to have a problem and be able to just solve it, instead of hitting the bottle and curling up in bed.

My Dad taught me a lot of things, but the thing he always most tried to emphasize is: always get back up.

He told me a sad story once. It was the story of a man who worked hard all his life to build a perfect beautiful wonderful world for himself. And when it was finally done, the world came around and destroyed it all. So you know what he did? He got back up, and worked hard all his life to build a perfect beautiful wonderful world for himself. And when it was finally done, the world came around and destroyed it all. So you know what he did?

My Dad told me that's life. He told me that for three days in 1989 his life was perfect before the earthquake hit, and how many people can claim their life was ever perfect at all? He lived his last seven years feeling his life was perfect. And he did it by getting back up.

So I'm glad I got back up. A friend of mine saw how much I'd been working out lately and told me these words: "your investment in yourself is paying off." I keep thinking about those words, how they reflect more than just my body.

Yeah, my Dad was right. Always get back up.