I used to write a lot. It used to be the thing that I defined myself with back when simple labels and conceptual niches were necessary survival tools. I used to love writing stories, mostly of the horror and science fiction bent. It was always hard to follow through and finish though, and when I did force myself to finish it always seemed so contrived.

Every November I think about writing. NaNoWriMo used to be something I looked forward to. I had a close friend in undergrad with whom we would talk about our stories and encourage each other to continue. In 2014 I managed to possess myself with my own hyperfocus and finish about 90K words in 20 days in November. I've always been proud of that story, even if it needs a ton of rewriting that's brought me to a standstill.

What with NaNoWriMo's new self defeating principles (such as they are) I no longer truck with the event. And it's sad to abandon an institution that used to mean so much to me. But then again, it mostly just reminded me of my friend, who I haven't spoken to in many years. I hope she is well, wherever the road's taken her.

So this blog is a bit of me trying to become comfortable with writing again. I used to keep a pretty angsty blog on Myspace back in the 2000s while I was trying to make sense of my chaotic life. I liked a lot of what I wrote, even if most of it was untreated mental illness. I've been so amazed at how at ease my mind has been considering the tumult of late. Self-healing is possible with a lot of work, who knew.

I am not sure if I have any stories in me that are meant for reading. Anyone who knows me knows I love running DnD games and telling amusing anecdotes. Might have gotten that impression if you've read much around here.

DnD to me is how we modern people have chosen to share our campfire stories. It's how we uphold the timeless oral tradition. And I find a bit of beauty in how it exists in the moment and then becomes a memory. But it would be nice to find the energy in me to write a book and polish it up.

I was hoping for this to be a calm era coming upon us, but I suppose that simply isn't in the cards anymore. Perhaps it may be time to find the focus in me to write and finish a great story.

It might be the only salvation coming.